Neutralface =|

This weekend, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and not much stuff I should be doing (like learning those songs for Music assessment...or guitar ensemble...or revising Chemistry...and maths...or doing my art assignment...you get the idea).
Anyway, I've been doing some thinking about some things, which is an ambiguous way to begin, but I will type them in this blog, so it's not just a gloat about the fact that through all the insanity, my brain actually does work.
It's coming up to Yule at the moment (or Midsummer in the Northern Hemisphere), which actually makes me feel a bit guilty. Guilty because I had to google it, rather than those three years where I could actually remember all the Wiccan Sabbats (I tried out Wicca for a few years, but kindof stopped, but I still wear my pentagram sometimes). But what's pretty nifty is that the Acting Academy Improv Showcase (or Theatre Experience Day for the regular classes...yay extention stream!) is on Yule (June 21st). So that will be nifty.
Another thing I've been thinking about is how I might be a bad friend. And a bad cousin...and daughter...
This is because I couldn't go to someone's school play, which I really wanted to go to, ever since he told me he'd auditioned. I actually cried when I saw that I even put it in my calendar, but couldn't go. But paradoxically, I was being a good cousin and student in order to be a bad friend. Now, I shouldn't think like this, I know, but I do feel kindof horrible. I also feel horrible about how apathetic I'm getting on MSN. And then if course, there's the friend who I've been treating as more of a pet than a friend, and the realisation of this made me feel completely terrible.
I've also realised that it seems physically impossible for me to really express my feelings. It feels wrong to blog incessantly about unrequited love and anxiety and things I actually feel rather than stuff that passes through my mind and I think is funny. It's just not in my nature to be like that. Subconsciously I seem to block anything that might put anyone else in a bad mood or even empathise with me on a human level, and I simply hate it when people worry about me. When I tell people not to worry about me, I REALLY BLOODY MEAN IT!
All this tension and stuff is forming itself into further insanity. This is evident at the song I wrote yesterday, and will hopefully record some time tonight.
But on the plus side of things, my singing teacher told me my voice is "damn fine," which is interesting phrasing-wise, but I was glad for the compliment anyway. (happyface)
And also, I've been making my comics more often, which is DEFINATELY a good sign, since I only stopped making them because I was a bit depressed. I've even got a logo for the site I'll hopefully be setting up at some point.
Well anyway, proper blogs soon.
Seeeeeeeeeeeeeya.