meh.

So, the birthday vibe has worn off and now I feel slightly sick. Not physically sick, just a sort of annoyance with the events that unfold. I shouldn't feel like this, but that's probably the worst thing you could tell someone who does feel terrible.
That's the only way I can describe it, emotionally sick. That feeling, niggling at the back of my mind. Just sitting there, not daring to intrude too much, but it's there enough to send my emotions downward.
Valentines day rocks up, all full of itself, decides to make me feel lonely, but that's okay, because that's what Valentines does, then my birthday appears, my one day where I can justify the world revolving around me (which, by the way, it does).
And now the vibes, good and bad, are gone, and what's left is the emotional unrest. Just the awkwardness, the fear, the loathing, the longing to be accepted, to be liked, to be loved, to mean something, to someone, not just someone, but also me.

When I was younger, like 3-5 years old, I had a fantastic best friend. His name was Michiel. Michiel was awesome, we used to tell each other stories, go to each other's houses, play in the mud, we were pretty much part of each other's families. That all changed when I moved to Brisbane and we never saw each other again. I don't really remember a sense of loss, that I was losing the greatest friend a four-year-old could ask for.

Suddenly I get the feeling that I'm, well, boring. Sure, there are people who I know will disagree, but then again, paranoia does tend to settle in when someone on MSN hasn't said something in a long time. Only talks when I talk. Never tells me about themself. I can't do all the prying, sometimes I just feel like I might be intruding on privacy. Like really, who wants me to know stuff about them, who am I to be ranting on and on.

There it is again, the self-concept gremlins, intent upon making me the most awkward, distant person I could be.
Can I confess something?
I think I'm bored. Bored of people who won't talk, who aren't interested, who just...aren't or don't or wont or can't be buggered.
So please, talk to me, I don't mind, you may think it's trivial, like I don't want to know things, but mostly, I want to know what you want to tell me, and maybe you'll find stuff out about me. Stuff can be interesting, you know.

I guess I'm just on a low-self-concept rant at the moment, but that doesn't take away any validity.