The Rabbit: Francesca (Frank)
Status: Lost
Poster: "Lost, Frank: rabbit of limited intelligence"
Frank: Was then found and returned.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
My Mad Grandma
My family is bizzare, and all that bizzarity has pretty much condensed in the form of my grandma.
Two bizzare things she's said, well, one bizzare and one frightening.
Bizzare:
"Oh, you have such smart friends, you should form a band!"
Frightening:
Grandma: So, do you keep in touch with your friends using those various technologies?
Izzie: Yeah.
Grandma: Which ones? *stares*
Izzie: You know...them...
Grandma: *continues staring*
Izzie: You know, *lists friends*
Grandma: *continues staring*
Izzie: err...
Grandma: *continues staring*
Izzie: *takes bite of pasta*
Grandma: So, how is everyone?
Izzie: *chews*
Grandma: *stares*
Izzie: *chews*
Grandma: *stares*
Izzie: Good.
Grandma: Well, that's good *continues eating*
Two bizzare things she's said, well, one bizzare and one frightening.
Bizzare:
"Oh, you have such smart friends, you should form a band!"
Frightening:
Grandma: So, do you keep in touch with your friends using those various technologies?
Izzie: Yeah.
Grandma: Which ones? *stares*
Izzie: You know...them...
Grandma: *continues staring*
Izzie: You know, *lists friends*
Grandma: *continues staring*
Izzie: err...
Grandma: *continues staring*
Izzie: *takes bite of pasta*
Grandma: So, how is everyone?
Izzie: *chews*
Grandma: *stares*
Izzie: *chews*
Grandma: *stares*
Izzie: Good.
Grandma: Well, that's good *continues eating*
The vaguely incoherant ramblings of Izzie, 31st January.
Whatever it is that my mum does at work, they need it in Canada. This has been confirmed by the fact that she actually is in Canada at this point. Actually, I think she's in a plane somewhere over the ocean.
The piano is staring at me. "Play me," it seems to say, "I'm a good piano, I've fallen of the back of moving trucks and survived, surely that's confirmation that I'm worth playing, come on. Mozart? Beethoven? Debussy? Hell, I'll take Evanescence if it means some music in this house, you haven't been very attentive to me of late, have you lost interest? Did I do something wrong? It's because I'm out of tune isn't it! I've told you before, I'm not out-of-tune exactly, I'm just...not tuned conventionally...each key is in tune in comparison to the other keys, they're just...all exactly the same amount out of tune! But that's never stopped you before! Play me! Play me! PLAY ME!"
"Well, dear piano," I reply, "I would gladly play you, but I'm sick of my only-fiveish-song-repartee, and I'm sure my graceless, untrained style isn't exactly flattering to you."
Yes, I've resorted to blogging about a conversation with an anthropormorphised piano. I have a 600-page Chemistry textbook leering at me from the floor. There are so many things in the world. 600 pages worth of them are in store for me over the next two years. Bloody science. And then there's my big, scary-looking maths text book. Maths, it's like an abusive husband. You love it, but it's awful to you. In high school, although you may have had difficulties, it was true love, plain and simple, but then uni started and everything got so complicated, maths started becoming strange, and just seemed angry with you all the time, but you ended up together, earning good money but still there are problems between you and the dear mathematics. You still stay with maths, because it seems right. Then maths ends up in those "Violence against women" ads, as one of those guys who look like dickheads and do three freezeframes while their voiceover talks about their violent tendencies.
I've always thought it'd be awful to be one of those guys, because no matter what they do, people who just see them in the street will think they're wife-bashers.
So, even though I haven't read the graphic novel, I'm looking forward to the Watchmen movie. Should probably read the book before I see it. My Chemical Romance did a cover of Bob Dylan's Desolation Row for it. Damn good cover. Alot more punk than their last album.
There is some music I listen to that just makes me think "goddamn, ALOT of people had to think that was a really good song," examples of such music includes metal and urban. And what the frick is with that tooth-bling stuff? It makes the wearer look like they either have rotten teeth or braces, neither of which seem very hardcore if you ask me.
I once saw a music video that just made me laugh. First of all, this person's stage name was "Rhys" which doesn't score points in the "in crowd." Secondly, he looked like some kind of emo David Bowie, and I doubt that even Bowie himself could pull off the emo David Bowie look. And the film clip looked like this dude had seen Flashdance (or any of those 80s dance movies) too many times, there were alot of silhouettes dancing through warehouses with blue backlighting. And lastly, all the girls in the film clip were also dressed as emo David Bowies, seriously, ONE is bad enough, but one emo David Bowie surrounded by scantily clad other emo David Bowies is just awful.
This blog is getting out of hand, I'll just end it right here...no...here.
The piano is staring at me. "Play me," it seems to say, "I'm a good piano, I've fallen of the back of moving trucks and survived, surely that's confirmation that I'm worth playing, come on. Mozart? Beethoven? Debussy? Hell, I'll take Evanescence if it means some music in this house, you haven't been very attentive to me of late, have you lost interest? Did I do something wrong? It's because I'm out of tune isn't it! I've told you before, I'm not out-of-tune exactly, I'm just...not tuned conventionally...each key is in tune in comparison to the other keys, they're just...all exactly the same amount out of tune! But that's never stopped you before! Play me! Play me! PLAY ME!"
"Well, dear piano," I reply, "I would gladly play you, but I'm sick of my only-fiveish-song-repartee, and I'm sure my graceless, untrained style isn't exactly flattering to you."
Yes, I've resorted to blogging about a conversation with an anthropormorphised piano. I have a 600-page Chemistry textbook leering at me from the floor. There are so many things in the world. 600 pages worth of them are in store for me over the next two years. Bloody science. And then there's my big, scary-looking maths text book. Maths, it's like an abusive husband. You love it, but it's awful to you. In high school, although you may have had difficulties, it was true love, plain and simple, but then uni started and everything got so complicated, maths started becoming strange, and just seemed angry with you all the time, but you ended up together, earning good money but still there are problems between you and the dear mathematics. You still stay with maths, because it seems right. Then maths ends up in those "Violence against women" ads, as one of those guys who look like dickheads and do three freezeframes while their voiceover talks about their violent tendencies.
I've always thought it'd be awful to be one of those guys, because no matter what they do, people who just see them in the street will think they're wife-bashers.
So, even though I haven't read the graphic novel, I'm looking forward to the Watchmen movie. Should probably read the book before I see it. My Chemical Romance did a cover of Bob Dylan's Desolation Row for it. Damn good cover. Alot more punk than their last album.
There is some music I listen to that just makes me think "goddamn, ALOT of people had to think that was a really good song," examples of such music includes metal and urban. And what the frick is with that tooth-bling stuff? It makes the wearer look like they either have rotten teeth or braces, neither of which seem very hardcore if you ask me.
I once saw a music video that just made me laugh. First of all, this person's stage name was "Rhys" which doesn't score points in the "in crowd." Secondly, he looked like some kind of emo David Bowie, and I doubt that even Bowie himself could pull off the emo David Bowie look. And the film clip looked like this dude had seen Flashdance (or any of those 80s dance movies) too many times, there were alot of silhouettes dancing through warehouses with blue backlighting. And lastly, all the girls in the film clip were also dressed as emo David Bowies, seriously, ONE is bad enough, but one emo David Bowie surrounded by scantily clad other emo David Bowies is just awful.
This blog is getting out of hand, I'll just end it right here...no...here.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Dirty...
So I posted a comment on a blog I saw and had to solve a Captcha (those tests that prove you're a human).
Upon seeing this one, I lol-ed, mainly because it instantly reminded me of an episode of Black Books.
Dirty, very dirty.
Girly Izzie? WTF?
Right, I'm not the girliest of girls, but I have my moments.
Occasionally they surface when I see a pair of shoes I quite like (that AREN'T Converse! *audible gasp*) but one such happened yesterday on MSN with a friend.
This friend told me that he should do more excercise, as he'd lost seven kilos over the holidays.
Let's break apart that sentence:
should do more excercise - acceptable beginning to the sentence
because he's lost seven kilos - WTF? He's actually LAMENTING the loss of seven kilos? If I lost seven kilos, I'd be sending them on their merry way without sheding a tear! Each individual kilogram would be sent off in a parade of healthy snacks in their honour! They would be sent away in the glory that is an Izzie that is seven kilograms lighter! A whole seven kilograms toward a proper shape! Possibly even the loss of a whole dress size! An Izzie that gets seven kilograms more lost in that voluminous school dress of hers!
Then I remembered, this is James I'm talking to. James who likes fast cars and the scantily clad women posing on them.
To put it in the words of Moss (The IT Crowd), I am a giddy goat.
Occasionally they surface when I see a pair of shoes I quite like (that AREN'T Converse! *audible gasp*) but one such happened yesterday on MSN with a friend.
This friend told me that he should do more excercise, as he'd lost seven kilos over the holidays.
Let's break apart that sentence:
should do more excercise - acceptable beginning to the sentence
because he's lost seven kilos - WTF? He's actually LAMENTING the loss of seven kilos? If I lost seven kilos, I'd be sending them on their merry way without sheding a tear! Each individual kilogram would be sent off in a parade of healthy snacks in their honour! They would be sent away in the glory that is an Izzie that is seven kilograms lighter! A whole seven kilograms toward a proper shape! Possibly even the loss of a whole dress size! An Izzie that gets seven kilograms more lost in that voluminous school dress of hers!
Then I remembered, this is James I'm talking to. James who likes fast cars and the scantily clad women posing on them.
To put it in the words of Moss (The IT Crowd), I am a giddy goat.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
HOLY CRAPMUFFINS
sexy.
first official picture from Tim Burton's remake of Alice in Wonderland
Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter
Queen Izzie of the Land of Fail
I just epic failed, more than I've ever epic failed before.
So, my mum said that if I'm at home and she's out, I should text her if we run out of something, therefore she can pick it up.
I sent two of these such texts in the past two days.
Yesterday, it was about mayonnaise, but my grandma had also noticed that we were out of mayonnaise, and even though I said that mum would be getting it, as I'd sent her a text, she still went out and got some, and this is how we ended up with two jars of really good mayonnaise.
Today, I noticed that the milk was about to run out, and since I had no idea where my mum was (after looking around the kitchen, then the living room, then giving up my search), I assumed she was out, and sent her a text that simply said "Milk!"
It was all going well until about two minutes ago, (like, two hours after I sent the text), when my mum called, seems she didn't understand why I'd sent a text that said "Milk!" and needed clarification, so I said, "We're nearly out of milk," at this point, she hung up, opened the door and said "I know, I was in the study when I got the text."
FAIL!
So, my mum said that if I'm at home and she's out, I should text her if we run out of something, therefore she can pick it up.
I sent two of these such texts in the past two days.
Yesterday, it was about mayonnaise, but my grandma had also noticed that we were out of mayonnaise, and even though I said that mum would be getting it, as I'd sent her a text, she still went out and got some, and this is how we ended up with two jars of really good mayonnaise.
Today, I noticed that the milk was about to run out, and since I had no idea where my mum was (after looking around the kitchen, then the living room, then giving up my search), I assumed she was out, and sent her a text that simply said "Milk!"
It was all going well until about two minutes ago, (like, two hours after I sent the text), when my mum called, seems she didn't understand why I'd sent a text that said "Milk!" and needed clarification, so I said, "We're nearly out of milk," at this point, she hung up, opened the door and said "I know, I was in the study when I got the text."
FAIL!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
A good day...
Thursday, January 22, 2009
tee hee, I'm so silly.
Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
Izzie needs to be with someone.
well, it's better than one at the top of the page, "Izzie needs sex"
Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
Izzie looks like she just got in from an all-night orgy of some sort.
I promise there are no more sex ones, but there are alot of Greys Anatomy ones.
Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
Izzie says to Cristina its not my fault hahn chose me.
Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
Izzie wants a home and a lap.
this Izzie was a cat.
Q:Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
Izzie does it!
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
Izzie hates her long johns.
Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
Izzie asks Alex if she was the problem the night before and suggest they make love right then and there.
Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
Izzie likes to dance.
Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
Izzie eats a special christmas cookie.
Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
Izzie wears her heart on her sleeve.
Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
Izzie has been arrested for the forth time in only three months (although she insists that two of the arrests don't count).
Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.
Izzie loves her new shirt.
Izzie needs to be with someone.
well, it's better than one at the top of the page, "Izzie needs sex"
Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
Izzie looks like she just got in from an all-night orgy of some sort.
I promise there are no more sex ones, but there are alot of Greys Anatomy ones.
Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
Izzie says to Cristina its not my fault hahn chose me.
Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
Izzie wants a home and a lap.
this Izzie was a cat.
Q:Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
Izzie does it!
Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
Izzie hates her long johns.
Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
Izzie asks Alex if she was the problem the night before and suggest they make love right then and there.
Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
Izzie likes to dance.
Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
Izzie eats a special christmas cookie.
Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
Izzie wears her heart on her sleeve.
Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
Izzie has been arrested for the forth time in only three months (although she insists that two of the arrests don't count).
Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google Search.
Izzie loves her new shirt.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
wow...
So my dad's been taking cooking classes, and today I found out they're at this place called "Black Pearl" and so my immediate reaction was this:
Holy crap, is he a PIRATE!?!?!
Holy crap, is he a PIRATE!?!?!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
a nugget of failure
So, I was looking up a movie on IMDb, when I came across this advertisement.
My immediate reaction was "WTFAIL?"
This is a weirdly stalkery advertisement. Not just regularly stalkery, WEIRDLY stalkery.
It's made me slightly scared, of exactly what, I'm not sure, but whatever it is, it's pretty freakin' scary...
A poem by me that is mine and written by me
I see you saw what I saw you seeing
I see you saw that without feeling
An idiot you are for really believing
That 'gullible' was written upon the ceiling!
I see you saw that without feeling
An idiot you are for really believing
That 'gullible' was written upon the ceiling!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
HOLY CRAPMUFFINS!
I just found out some SHOCKING NEWS!
One of my best friends has NEVER HEARD THE SONG ROCK LOBSTER!
What a poor, deprived child!
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=BOFilsK4rPw
For any other deprived children who haven't heard it.
One of my best friends has NEVER HEARD THE SONG ROCK LOBSTER!
What a poor, deprived child!
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=BOFilsK4rPw
For any other deprived children who haven't heard it.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
New Years Resloutions
So, it's a little late to be blogging about my new years resolutions, 8 days late to be precise, but hey, I figured I should probably write them down in a place I'll remember and won't lose them...
And I don't usually do new years resolutions, but this year I am, so that makes it really awesome.
And I don't usually do new years resolutions, but this year I am, so that makes it really awesome.
- Put actual effort into my physical appearance
- Be a bit more sociable (let's not go mad here...)
- Don't stuff up year 11
- For the love of christ, understand music more, play instruments more, get within the stave and mingle with the semiquavers
- Not be so mean to my cousin William
- Read more and more often
- Do better at subjects I'm not great at
- Not be immediately angered and irrationaly hold grudges
And that's about it some of it will be be pretty easy, some of it pretty difficult...the first one I'm not even sure how I'll go about that, so that's gunna be really difficult, but I'll see how it goes.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Compound Expleatives (warning: course language)
Essentially, a Compound Expleative is when you add a word like "beans" or "muffins" or "trumpet" to the end of a profanity to sortof soften it and make it fantasticer.
Examples
buggertrumpet (my personal favourite)
crapmuffuns
shitbeans
assmonkeys (Kris thought of that one, and monkeys make everything funnier.)
Hope this has enlightened you to the realm of Compound Expleatives.
Examples
buggertrumpet (my personal favourite)
crapmuffuns
shitbeans
assmonkeys (Kris thought of that one, and monkeys make everything funnier.)
Hope this has enlightened you to the realm of Compound Expleatives.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
AAA 2008!
So, I tried to do a blog about all the things I'll remember from 2008, but most of them were things that happened in my Acting Academy class, so I figured I'd just blog about that instead.
Sam, Kim, S-Dawg, Kris, Kat, Danni, Chris, Johnny, Pauline, Lisa, Zeke, Bobby-Jean and John, seriously, HOLY BEANS!
TED SEMESTER ONE
Kat the surfer, mindless bloody violence with swords, YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT!, not eating fish, Danni's rise from the grave, IF I CAN'T HAVE HER, NO-ONE CAN!, it's to distract you while I do this...WAKE UP!, the Tempest.
FILM CHALLENGE
Risa the Dragon, big nametag=more respect, Charlie lives, no he doesn't, biologically he is dead, mafia vs. Texas police, brown-eyed girl, garden gnomes FTW, hmm...I have to go and do something else now..., Barwench hearts the Mysterious Stranger
TED SEMESTER TWO
Epic old ladies, saggy elbows, the AWESOMEST MOVEMENT PIECE EVER, no I don't want to join you band, you young people and your rock and roll music, oh, rock and/or roll, turkish delight, WHO WERE YOU LOOKING AT?, a difference of 30 seconds.
EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!
What kind of hooker doesn't have a cage?, sexy smelly funny stupid, spacejump awesomeness, every bloody Tim Minchin quote we threw in, Kat's beautifully long CheckOut answers, Sam's Harry Potter game, Alien, Spuckett, "Cool Beans," Object Bang, Sending the Love, every second of every lesson of every Saturday.
This was more than an acting class, this was a part of my life. A huge part, and a part that shall always remain with me.
Sam, Kim, S-Dawg, Kris, Kat, Danni, Chris, Johnny, Pauline, Lisa, Zeke, Bobby-Jean and John, seriously, HOLY BEANS!
TED SEMESTER ONE
Kat the surfer, mindless bloody violence with swords, YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT!, not eating fish, Danni's rise from the grave, IF I CAN'T HAVE HER, NO-ONE CAN!, it's to distract you while I do this...WAKE UP!, the Tempest.
FILM CHALLENGE
Risa the Dragon, big nametag=more respect, Charlie lives, no he doesn't, biologically he is dead, mafia vs. Texas police, brown-eyed girl, garden gnomes FTW, hmm...I have to go and do something else now..., Barwench hearts the Mysterious Stranger
TED SEMESTER TWO
Epic old ladies, saggy elbows, the AWESOMEST MOVEMENT PIECE EVER, no I don't want to join you band, you young people and your rock and roll music, oh, rock and/or roll, turkish delight, WHO WERE YOU LOOKING AT?, a difference of 30 seconds.
EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!
What kind of hooker doesn't have a cage?, sexy smelly funny stupid, spacejump awesomeness, every bloody Tim Minchin quote we threw in, Kat's beautifully long CheckOut answers, Sam's Harry Potter game, Alien, Spuckett, "Cool Beans," Object Bang, Sending the Love, every second of every lesson of every Saturday.
This was more than an acting class, this was a part of my life. A huge part, and a part that shall always remain with me.
I wrote a story.
The stimulis was a cat and a dog who somehow stopped a burgulary(sp?). We had to write a story targeted at ten year olds, so I wrote this...
It is never a good thing when your pets are smarter than your parents.
The thing about my dad is he goes a bit mad about savings. I never thought it was a good idea to buy 247 cans of multi-purpose pet food. What my immediate reaction was to wonder what other purpose pet food could possibly serve. I pitched my question at a very reliable source (my granddad) who told me that he was the one who invented a question mark, so that wasn’t very helpful.
But quite possibly the stupidest thing they’ve ever done is the time they captured Reginald the Yeti and locked him in a makeshift basement that was built out of the shed that had to be super-glued to the house and held there by ninjas and pirates who had formed an alliance under an ancient code that that also said that during the winter, ducks had to wear long pants and scarves and speak in a series of unintelligible mumbled syllables.
Unfortunately, mum and dad also kept Gerald the Wolverine and Jimmy the Gryphon in the basement too, so it was really hard to explain to my friends.
Anyways, that particular night, they had left the front, back and side doors open, as well as all the downstairs windows and left the keys to the car on a rotating plinth in the foyer, along with the instructions to open the wall safe. Strange things happen when they take each others’ prescription medication.
So, being an easy target, we were broken into, because nobody could possibly resist any of the aforementioned stupidities.
I heard a lot of crashing that night that somehow my parents slept through. In the morning, after looking through the window at the pool to see a shark teaching the clarinet to Captain Jellylegs Bellamy, I went downstairs to find my dog, Gerard, and my cat, Frankie looking rather smug, surrounded by cans of multi-purpose pet food. In the basement, the thieves, Reginald the Yeti, Gerald the Wolverine and Jimmy the Gryphon were playing Guitar Hero on the newly stolen Xbox. Gerald was winning.
It turned out that the so-called thieves were from the RSPCA and the New Bedlam Mental Health Clinic, who had come to arrest my parents for imprisoning bizarre animals and also to commit them for being completely mental. So me, Captain Jellylegs Bellamy, the Shark and Gerald the Wolverine formed a band and toured the nation’s aquariums for a while before breaking out into the major music scene.
It is never a good thing when your pets are smarter than your parents.
The thing about my dad is he goes a bit mad about savings. I never thought it was a good idea to buy 247 cans of multi-purpose pet food. What my immediate reaction was to wonder what other purpose pet food could possibly serve. I pitched my question at a very reliable source (my granddad) who told me that he was the one who invented a question mark, so that wasn’t very helpful.
But quite possibly the stupidest thing they’ve ever done is the time they captured Reginald the Yeti and locked him in a makeshift basement that was built out of the shed that had to be super-glued to the house and held there by ninjas and pirates who had formed an alliance under an ancient code that that also said that during the winter, ducks had to wear long pants and scarves and speak in a series of unintelligible mumbled syllables.
Unfortunately, mum and dad also kept Gerald the Wolverine and Jimmy the Gryphon in the basement too, so it was really hard to explain to my friends.
Anyways, that particular night, they had left the front, back and side doors open, as well as all the downstairs windows and left the keys to the car on a rotating plinth in the foyer, along with the instructions to open the wall safe. Strange things happen when they take each others’ prescription medication.
So, being an easy target, we were broken into, because nobody could possibly resist any of the aforementioned stupidities.
I heard a lot of crashing that night that somehow my parents slept through. In the morning, after looking through the window at the pool to see a shark teaching the clarinet to Captain Jellylegs Bellamy, I went downstairs to find my dog, Gerard, and my cat, Frankie looking rather smug, surrounded by cans of multi-purpose pet food. In the basement, the thieves, Reginald the Yeti, Gerald the Wolverine and Jimmy the Gryphon were playing Guitar Hero on the newly stolen Xbox. Gerald was winning.
It turned out that the so-called thieves were from the RSPCA and the New Bedlam Mental Health Clinic, who had come to arrest my parents for imprisoning bizarre animals and also to commit them for being completely mental. So me, Captain Jellylegs Bellamy, the Shark and Gerald the Wolverine formed a band and toured the nation’s aquariums for a while before breaking out into the major music scene.
Guess what I did.
I wrote "Gullible" on my ceiling.
That's right.
"Gullible" is actually written on my ceiling.
That's right.
"Gullible" is actually written on my ceiling.
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