Christmas 'n' stuff

"Why do you hate Christmas so much?"
The question was fired at me on the second last Thursday of school by Mr Goldman, my guitar teacher, after he plonked the most ridiculous piece of sheet music for Silent Night in front of me and expected me to badly (and grudgingly) sight-read it, not try to stab myself to death with the stand. Now, what he didn't know was that earlier that day, Mr Andre had given me a grand total of five Christmas Carols to learn over the holidays. I don't have the heart to tell Mr Andre that I hate Christmas Carols beyond comprehension. I do, however, have the heart to complain to Mr Goldman about anything he expects me to hack my fingers to bits on my rusty guitar strings with, and this was no exception.
I suppose, when you think about it, it could be easy to think that I hate Christmas. The carols fill me with such fury that if I'd had a toxic waste related incident many years ago, I'd surely become the Incredible Hulk. I never believed in Santa Claus, which, I suppose, saved me from a whole lot of heartbreak. My parents are divorced, although this just means more presents. And, living in Australia, the temperatures are anywhere between ludicrous and is-the-sun-god-just-spiting-me-now. Being a pennyless student, I can never actually get people gifts. My Aunty always used to make me and my two cousins do some kind of god-awful song-and-dance type thing, and looking back on them, they make me feel physically ill; and finally, my dad's place is on the same street as about three churches, so there's the bells to wake me up at stupid o'clock.
But, despite all this, I like Christmas. Whether it's the fact that I get to see all my family members at once (the ones I like at least), or the presents (yes, I like being materialistic, it's great, step-relatives try to buy my love!), or the Tripod Christmas album, or the fact that it gets me two months off school, or my Dad's Christmas Rocket, I like Christmas.
So, in the spirit of multiculturalism and not trying to spell the various end-of-year holidays, Merry Whatever.